The world is changing.
There are so many important conversations going on right now. The past year has seen old arguments reignited, new movements rising up, positions stated, lines drawn and sides taken.
Passionate and fervent statements and diatribes have become the norm as people try to articulate the process of wrestling with big topics in their own minds. Social media is the wind to these flames, spreading a blurted out frustration like wild fire, exposing us in our moments of ill judgement or angst. So many of us strangely scared to admit that we are scared, fearful of our absence of understanding of a contentious subject, or afraid to admit that our firmly held position is being reasonably challenged, we are losing the argument but are unsure what acceptance of this means for who we are or, at least, who we were.
And what if we want to change our minds? What if we are able to re-evaluate and evolve and become enlightened? Can we? Will others let us? What is the cost of saying 'I got this wrong'? What does it mean for the next time we hold an opinion or a belief we may wish to share?
Those feelings and understandable worries can be placated or galvanised depending on the nature of the conversation that leads us to a new place of thinking. If we feel attacked then we are likely to hold a position of defensiveness, thats the nature of all sentient things. The next thing to do is return the attack, go on the offensive, and in matters of ethics and beliefs this can mean once our walls of reason, explanation and justification are built solid in our minds we begin the process of burning down those of our enemy, not stopping to hear their words but rather hacking and slashing with our borrowed facts and held truths, all the while singing loudly to drown our the reasonable points made by them and the nagging voice of doubt within our own minds.
And we find other allies, others just as scared as us but all willing to sing loudly along with us to push back inner uncertainty and share tactics as to how to defeat the propaganda of the enemy who are somehow seeking to take something from us. And so our armies grow, safe in our thought fortresses, solid in the belief safe room we have built, soundproofed against any invasive new thoughts or whispers of change.
But what if we didn't attack? What if we began by talking? First we need to find a place to talk, a space that doesn't limit the amount of characters we use and leave room for misinterpretation of inflection or tone. Then we need to ensure that even if we aren't quite speaking the same language, we do agree to try and understand what the other one is saying. We need to be willing to see it from the eyes of the other person.
Most of all we need to be honest with each other about what the conversation is costing us. What it takes to come to the table. Then we can begin to talk about what change will mean to us, what we each want the new place we may arrive at to look like. We must admit to and talk about our fears. Because change is scary, especially when there is a possibility of perceived loss. We are putting down both our weapons and our shields, stepping out from the ranks of our protectors and crossing a no mans land to break bread with someone once thought of as a foe.
We must ask, how can I talk so you can hear me? How can I listen so that I may hear you? How will we each know when we are starting to lose the other? How do we come back to each other, to keep talking, keep listening, keep growing, keep changing?
We want to talk, we want to listen.
We need to talk about talking.
We need to listen, even more so when the talking's hard.
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